It’s Not Always Easy

For those of you who frequent this site, you may have noticed there’s been a whole lot of crickets of late. Not going to lie, there’s been a lot going on of late.

Graduated with my master’s (Huzzah!) and then to return to a new and improved big-girl job – that’s just part of it.

Admittedly, there’s been a larger issue for some time now – family health issues – and they’ve lead to me being rather depressed, and more than just a little bit.

I would like to think those who follow me are understanding of this – the fact that depression is a very real thing that can be downright debilitating. I had not realized how deeply I had fallen until about a month and a half ago when I realized I had not written – something I truly enjoy and receive much fulfillment from – in months. Months.

It’s a process, and I am working through it, though I know it will only get worse before it truly gets better. Meanwhile, I am taking steps. I spoke with my doctor, and started anti-depressants a month and a half ago, and I am now seeing a therapist. In addition, I started working with a personal trainer a month ago (you’ve likely seen fussy comments here and there about how leg-day is killing me or I can’t move my arms).

But still, writing is hard. I can’t count how many evenings I’ve sat at my keyboard, staring at that blinking cursor, telling me I should be writing something, anything – just get some damn words on the page. Yet, nothing.

Last week, I finally managed to start again. It’s slow going, but a spark was there. Just like with the other things I am doing to work through my depression, this is simply another step to get back to where I was before.

Every step is painful to make, and those who have suffered depression understand this. I hope that my fans will read this and understand about the delay. I am truly working on it.

I hope those who suffer from depression and anxiety will read this and understand that they are not alone in their struggles, but we must continue to fight for each and every inch as we make our way towards the light at the end of the tunnel. I see you. I feel you. I am you.

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